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I wanna "take away [my] pizza hot"!

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Oliver said on 13:17:04 02-Jul-2015

I have threatened to put comedy on my website because it's just everywhere if you care or even dare to look for it. The problem is essentially that not everything is funny to everyone else all the time... if at all, so I'm just going to sit back with this one and see what happens.

People who know me will know that I have this passion for the English language. So far, I classify grammar as being a form of politeness that is required when talking. This comes, so far at least, in four distinct groups. Top of this list is the well formed phrase, passing down through "looks all right", to "That really doesn't look right at all", all the way down to the fourth which is complete gibberish.

This chance encounter one day sticks awkwardly between the second and third categories. I took this picture in front of a pizza counter in the local ASDA branch in Shepshed. The shop sells three different kinds of pizza; the brand names, such as "Goodfellows", and others which are avaialble and arguably as good. Then ASDA make their own, most of which are made cold and are shrink-wrapped so the customer can take them home and heat at their leisure. However, this store is one which offers pizzas made before your eyes. Nothing special, but as the signage tries to indicate for an extra £1 you can take it home hot!

Ok so that's the outline of what this picture's about; let's destroy the picture. "Take away your pizza hot?"? I'm going to take it for granted that everyone knows what this phrase implies; cold pizza, ovens, extra pound, "hot". Despite this, I must have spent a good five minutes wandering around the shop with friends, gestating on this five word oddity. It's a rather curious thing that if you want your pizza hot, you say "I want my pizza hot", but in my mind that's where my usage of the phrase stops. If I wanted take the pizza away hot, then why not just say that! "Take your pizza away hot"! ... "FOR £1 EXTRA!"

What's really interesting is this is something you MIGHT be inclined to say, then you look at it and feel silly reading it... then try saying it. I felt a right fool.

My first worry about this was actually the word order! I thought this rant would be turn "Take away your pizza hot?" into "Take your pizza away hot?", but the more I look and think about it, that question mark is an insult as much as it is comical. That bent bit should be straight ... where have I heard that before recently?

"TAKE YOUR PIZZA AWAY HOT!"

Also don't get me started on the "Just ask". Cause it could imply, if you're annoying like me, that with this delicious pizza they've made for you, you give them the money plus the extra pound, they'll put it in the oven and then make you wave good-bye to it. This makes me cry ... cause no pizza.

Sad blogger :(

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